Cool
by Satan Abraham
Summary: Bill was cool. Ralph was cool. They should at least have a platonic relationship, right? Oneshot. BillxRalph.


Bill was the cool one.

That's what he was. He was the cool one, he was the chill one, he was the one that knew what he was doing. But the thing was… he had to work at it. He had to _work _at being cool, he had to _work _at being chill, he had to _think _to know what he was doing. Not like Ralph. No, not like Ralph, who was just naturally cool. Ralph didn't have to wear sunglasses twenty-four/seven for you to know he was cool. Ralph radiated being cool like he was the goddam sun or something.

Not that Bill didn't. But Bill had been building up his 'cool' reputation since kindergarten. No Rose-Art crayons for this kid. Ninety-six pack of Crayola, that was the crayons he got.

But that wasn't the point. Ralph was cool, Bill was cool, it should be simple to think that they belonged in at least a _platonic _relationship. Bill wouldn't mind if Ralph wanted more than a platonic relationship, either, because being open-minded was a cool thing to be.

Also Ralph was hot.

But that wasn't the point either. Bill and Ralph should be best friends, but for some reason, Ralph kept hanging around lame people like the fat guy and Simon, who wasn't as bad as the fat guy but wasn't cool either. Not like Bill was cool. And Bill seemed to always get stuck with Robert at the best of times, Maurice – and sometimes Roger – at the worst of times. Bill needed cooler friends, and the only cool person he knew was Ralph.

So, one day, after another really boring and uncool day of school, Bill went to go drag Ralph away from his uncool friends and avoid Robert, Maurice, and/or Roger. Not that Roger was hard to avoid. Normally _he_ was trying to avoid _you_.

But, anyway. Back to the point. Dragging Ralph away from his uncool friends.

"You're Bill, right?" Ralph asked. Bill mentally hit himself with a brick for not ever telling Ralph that his name was Bill instead of 'that cool guy.' Being the cool guy meant that you didn't really talk to people, you just kind of leaned back in your chair and texted or slept or did whatever you wanted, really, because you had sunglasses on and nobody could ever tell where you were looking.

"Yeah," Bill said. Ralph nodded.

"I thought so. You're the cool guy."

Ralph knew what was up.

"We're going to go get pizza," Bill said. He paused. "If you want to. It's cool to get other opinions. If you want to see a movie instead that's cool. Even if you don't have any money. I have enough money to pay for both of us, because it's cool for the person who brought it up to pay."

"I thought it was the person who asked out the other person…" Ralph said. The realization slowly dawned on him – naturally cool as he may be, Ralph wasn't very bright at times, it seemed. "Is it a date?"

"It could be," Bill said. Oh no. He was blushing. That wasn't cool. Abort mission, abort mission. No, he couldn't abort mission. He was cool, he had to stay where he was. Pretend your face itches, pretend your face itches and will the red away. "But it's cool if you don't want it to be."

"I don't care," Ralph said, shrugging.

"So, uh, pizza or movie?" Bill asked, mentally calculating how much money each would cost and how much money he had.

"Why don't we do both?"

Damn it.

* * *

Thankfully, he'd had enough money – but just barely. Ralph was cool enough to buy the snacks for the movie, and that was where they were going first. It was a superhero movie. Very cool.

They got a seat in the back of the theater, because that's where you sit if you're cool. Ralph, who had seemed okay with it being a date, that meant that it would be more than platonic, _yes, _that was very cool, looked a bit confused as to why they were sitting way in the back, but he didn't question it.

That was good. Questioning things wasn't cool.

Actually, it depended on what you were questioning. But you didn't have to question why you sat in the back of the movie theater, for chrissake. That was just a thing you _did. _If you were cool, that is. And didn't want to get blinded and deafened.

Bill took off his sunglasses so that he could see the movie. He made a mistake and took them off before all of the lights in the theater turned off, and he was temporarily blinded. He kept his sunglasses on almost all the time, except when he was going to movies or sleeping. Or if he was watching movies at home or was on the computer and he was completely alone. But sometimes he'd still keep them on. If you were cool, you had to be cool all the time, not just when other people could see.

"You have nice eyes," Ralph said. Thankfully, the lights dimmed before Ralph could see Bill blush again.

That's why Bill wished he could tan – so that it wouldn't be so damn obvious when he blushed.

(Damn was the swear word you used when you were cool. It was tame enough so that you could use it around anyone and not get in trouble. He'd learned this from taking notes on how Kensei Muguruma from Bleach acted. Kensei Muguruma was his idol, because Kensei was very cool.)

(Sometimes Bill wished that Kensei wasn't fictional.)

Halfway through the movie, Bill used the classic, _very_ cool yawn-and-stretch-and-oops my arm is around your shoulders isn't it funny how these things work out. Ralph didn't seem to mind. Bill smiled and watched the movie.

* * *

The pizza place was very crowded. Bill could see Jack, Maurice, and Roger at a corner table. He ignored them, of course. Not only was Maurice making a complete idiot of himself, Roger looked like he wanted to kill someone, and Bill did not want to get mixed up in that.

Oh great, Ralph had seen them. He was waving. Bill grabbed Ralph's flailing hand and pulled it to a table on the complete other side of the room. Ralph looked at him, a bit confused. "Why did you do that?"

"They're not cool like us," Bill said. He could feel his face heating up again and let go of Ralph's hand. "We're cool."

Apart from their nearly-having-to-converse-with-not-cool-people, nothing else of importance happened while they were eating pizza. Pepperoni. Classic and what the cool people ate. Bill had put his sunglasses back on. The pizza place was far too bright to be sitting in it without sunglasses.

Maybe Bill should stop depending on his sunglasses so much.

Nah, sunglasses were cool.

* * *

Bill drove Ralph home on his very cool motorcycle, trying very hard not to think about how Ralph's arms were clutching him. Bill may have gone a little bit over the speed limit so that Ralph would clutch him tighter.

Although this was maybe a bit stupid, because then they got to Ralph's house sooner.

Ralph hopped off the bike, and Bill did, too, taking off his helmet – safety was cool – and walking Ralph to the door.

Before going inside, Ralph kissed Bill on the cheek.

Bill was very glad that it was a weekend. He was fairly certain that he'd be blushing for a few days.

* * *

**I don't know what just happened. **

**But…**

**I kind of like this ship.**


End file.
